by Stacey-Ann McAllister
My body's turning against me.
My mind's losing control.
Heavy breathing,
my feelings aren't cold;
now they're hot,
pulsing heat
I never knew I'd feel again.
Layers peel away against a stranger's bed.
Hold on,
wait a minute.
My past is fading,
and I'm not in it.
Leave some time to catch up to my mistakes.
Make new heartbreaks
to dull the pangs of old.
His fingers travel,
and in terror, I close my eyes.
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I'm pretty sure poetry is allowed? I hope so, since I don't really have the time to sit down and write out any stories yet, let alone silly poems =/
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Poetry is definitely allowed! I like this. The first stanza is gripping, especially with the repetition of "my." The possessive pronoun makes it emotional, emphasizing the body & senses as property, as if these parts of the individual are damaged "goods." I could be wrong! Anyway, it's great. Resonant.
ReplyDeleteYour poem is not silly at all. I can feel the intensity of the narrator. My guess is that he/she is fearful of aging. I agree with Rachel--very resonant. Well done.
ReplyDeleteHi Stacey-Ann
ReplyDeleteI'm leaving this here because there's no email address on your blog (or on this one) to reach you privately.
You left a comment on my blog Subway Epiphanies. I was terrified to post a blog with my writing, and even more so when I woke this morning and saw there was a comment - literally, scared to see what a stranger wrote.
THANK YOU for your very kind words - you inoculated me! And encouraged me. I've never shown anyone my writing and really didn't have the slightest idea how it would be received by anyone. Now that the terror is out of the way, I feel I can keep going, even if the next 9999 comments are awful.
You did a great thing for me, and I had to find a way to thank you. In the moment of realizing your comment was positive, something that's been dead or repressed inside of me rose up. I've been writing a book that I abandoned out of frustration, believing people will think it's awful, but you did something for me with your comment. You showed me the possibility that I can write something people would enjoy reading! Wow, you did your good deed today, sister!!
Onto you, your writing is compelling and I agree with the above posters, RESONANT. Keep writing and open up the comments on your blog!!! Go for it!!!!
Thanks again!
Subway (still too much of a chicken to use my real name - baby steps!)